Carrie posted this on her blog a couple months ago and I just got around to reading it recently. (I think I was still dealing with Kent's reflux problem that month...) It cracked me up and I thought it was worthy of a reprint. Warning: do not read this while attempting to eat, or if you have a weak heart or a full bladder! In fact, I'm not sure my Dad should read this at all--he's liable to be at Walmart in Chatham tomorrow morning when they open with this list in hand.
Things to do at Wal-Mart
while your family is taking forever to finish shopping
1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,"I think we have a code 3 in housewares" and see what happens.
4. Turn all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.
5. Challenge other customers to a duel with tubes of gift wrap.
6. Put M&M's on layaway.
7. Move "CAUTION WET FLOOR" signs to carpet areas.
8. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
9. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why won't you people leave me alone?"
10. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
11. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joe and the X-Men.
12. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
13. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
14. Switch signs on the men's and women's bathrooms.
15. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible".
16. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign out front.
17. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
18. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "PICK ME! PICK ME!".
19. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again".
20. Go to the cafe, get a soft drink, tell them you don't get out much and would they put one of those little umbrellas in it.
21. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud...."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"
2. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,"I think we have a code 3 in housewares" and see what happens.
4. Turn all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.
5. Challenge other customers to a duel with tubes of gift wrap.
6. Put M&M's on layaway.
7. Move "CAUTION WET FLOOR" signs to carpet areas.
8. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
9. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why won't you people leave me alone?"
10. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
11. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joe and the X-Men.
12. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
13. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
14. Switch signs on the men's and women's bathrooms.
15. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible".
16. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign out front.
17. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
18. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "PICK ME! PICK ME!".
19. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again".
20. Go to the cafe, get a soft drink, tell them you don't get out much and would they put one of those little umbrellas in it.
21. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud...."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"
8 comments:
If you'll do one, I'll do one....
I dare you to do Madonna...
I don't know if I could actually work up the nerve to do that one. I was more thinking the Grey Poupon.
No Poupon, girlfriend. Either Madonna or get in the clothes rack and yell "pick me, pick me!"
I've done some of those before, but thanks for the new ideas, Ang.
Have to try some of those out. :)
love dad
Just don't take too much pain medicine before you head to Walmart. I'd hate to hear of your arrest for intoxicated and disorderly conduct. :)
I could think about the clothes rack, but I probably only could do it if you were with me!
Maybe we can stage a little competition among the outfits. "Pick Me!" "No, Pick ME!" We may have to shake the rack and make the clothes fight a bit...
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